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I am 32 years old by age and I have four children all male. I got pregnant early at age 18 when I was still in secondary school (one of the best schools in my state where I was one of the best students). Back then everyone in my family had high hopes for me only for me to dash all those hopes and expectations when I got pregnant.
My parents and siblings were actually disappointed in me. My education was halted as a result of this because my parents said they would no longer sponsor me. This made my husband (the father of my children) vow to sponsor my education.
My husband loves me so much to the extent he shows me off every where we go. He is way older than me with 15 years but I still love him. He did make good his vow to make sure I went back to school (against the advice of some of his friends) because he knows I am very brilliant.
I believe the reason they were against my going back to school was that I was still very attractive and did not seem like one who has given birth before. Although my hubby has this fear also, he was understanding enough to advice me to avoid guys who just want to deceive young and pretty ladies like me.
I have never fancied any man in my life, talk less of sleeping with another, so in school I steered clear of them because my hubby told me that men were liars and always discuss their randy escapades amongst themselves. so, although I did my best to avoid them, they on their own would not let me be .
What I was doing was to inform my husband anytime a man approaches me, even some of his so called friends.
But then something happened.
I went for a training some time ago and one of the facilitators fell for me and surprisingly I was taken by him as well. He was handsome, three years older than me and married too. Because of my feelings for this man, I could not tell my husband about him. After the training, myself and this guy continued communicating through the social networks although we did not see face to face for almost a year.
When we eventually met we did kiss and cuddle up but did not sleep together. I was liking this guy more and more and our communication increased in a short time .
Meanwhile my conscience was plagued with guilt and when I could not bear it any longer I was forced to confess to my hubby. Of course he was very mad at me and could not believe his ears. He beat me up and wondered what it was that was lacking in him as a man. I did my best to explain to him that even I could not understand the whole thing as I am not easily convinced by men talk, and that my feelings for this other guy was so intense I could not even help myself.
After all this candid talk, I thought my husband was going to hate me. But on the contrary, his love and affection for me has even increased. He kisses me at any given opportunity and sleeps with me virtually everyday.
My fear now is that my hubby is acting a bit strange in bed because at night I usually wake up to see him staring into space and not sleeping. I am worried over his mental health and I dont want him to be sick.
I told him the truth about my affair because I did not want to be unfair to a man who truly loves and cares for me. Now I am blaming myself because I dont know what pushed me in the first place; maybe naivete,adventure or curiosity, but I am truly and deeply sorry for hurting my husbands feelings.
I dont want my husband to be sick or depressed and I dont know if should have told him about my affair. Another issue I am contending with now is that my husband wants me to identify this guy for him so that he could exert his vegeance by setting the guy up and having him thrown out of his job. But I dont waant that because my conscience would kill me knowing I was responsible for a mans loss of job.
I feel the attraction I felt for this man was neither his fault nor mine, and moreover he did not sleep with me. I know I have already made a grievous mistake but is that enough to allow my husband punish him . I have now learnt my lessons and realised that no man out there is better than the one you already have.
Please advice me on what to do my hubby is insisting I must show this man to him. Should I obey my husbands wishes or protect this other man?
ADs (do your own research):