I Started Paying Girls Just to Sleep with them After my First Love Broke my Heart

I’m a guy who was in a relationship with an Angel. She was pretty, inteligent with a good shape and good mannered. She was every thing to me. We started as teens when we were in secondary school and my parents loved her so much.

When I gained admission into the university she was still in college so we were not always together as before. But because I loved her so much and she even lost her virginity to me (and I lost my chastity to her) I never cheated on her even though I had a lot of temptation from the girls in my new school.  Instead i introduced her to my friends as my wife to be and made it clear to all the girls around me that I was taken and not available.

The problem started after two years in the school when she gained admission to study in the same school. While we were processing her own admission, she started complaining that I was no longer giving her money like before. I tried to explain things to her but I never know that the Angel who blinded my eyes from seeing other girls on campus had been cheating on me.

Everything blew open when she was impregnanted by a police man. This was a girl that promised to be my next mom and the mother of my children. In fact as I’m writing this now my girl is living with the police man in his house.

Since this happened, I developed a deep hatred for all women and promised myself that I will never love any one again. Instead what I started doing was to pay any available lady and sleep with her just to spite her but I can’t have feelings for any woman again.

Now i want to stop all that and change back to normal life because I occupy an important position in my church. But the memory of my first love whom I trusted and the tears I shed when she broke my heart cannot allow me. Please suggest what I can do and ways for me to change because I ought not to be living like this.