Why is My Wife Behaving This Way?

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My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is from a broken home and was living with her mother when we met. We started dating and I also sponsored her university education. We eventually got married and life was good at the beginning.

We are blessed with three wonderful children and to some extent we are living comfortably (we live in our own house with 3 cars, a good private school for the children, several planned vacations within and outside the country etc).

However, for the past 10 years, it seems like it has been from one form of pain to another. She opened a shop and I gave her money in the millions twice, but it all went down the drain because she said there were no sales and some of the goods had expired. I stopped her from going to the shop because there were no goods left to sell, and we agreed to build a shop at home.

Within two months, I built the shop to her specifications, with all the amenities that would make life comfortable, including wall tiles inside and out, an executive table and chair, an air conditioner, a deep freezer, a smart TV, and unlimited internet service. I also gave her another 1.5 million to buy goods. According to her, the sales at home were better than when she was in town. However, none of these changes improved my wife’s attitude towards me.

Our communication is one-sided but she talks freely with other people, both men and women. The only time my wife will talk freely to me is when money is involved and I need to spend it.

If I ask her anything about herself or her business, she lies. Sometimes, she gets distracted while cooking and forgets to add basic things like salt to the food. Each time I notice this mistake, I ask her what is occupying her mind, but she tells me nothing and just promises to be more careful next time.

I have asked her several times why she finds it difficult to be honest or communicate with me, but she says nothing and keeps promising to change. I have even asked her mother, a friend, a female senior pastor, and a senior colleague at work to talk to her, but there has been no change.



Recently, I noticed that she has been hiding her chats whenever I come close to her. One time I asked who she was chatting with, she said it was my friend’s sister. The following day at work, I called my friend’s sister and she told me that she hadn’t spoken with my wife in the last two months.

Some days ago, I received a message from someone telling me that they had “information about my wife at a right price.” When I asked if there was anything I needed to know, she said there wasn’t. I am truly pained that I find myself in this situation despite my efforts.


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Honestly, it is difficult for me to live my life with a lying wife. It has affected me so much that when she leads praises at church, I find myself singing and dancing to other songs in my mind. We have stopped praying together as a family, and I have stopped eating her food, even though I pay all the bills, including fueling her car and repairs. I would have left this marriage by now if we were not expecting a child (I swear on my life), but I couldn’t because of our innocent and loving children. I love my family, but I can’t live the rest of my life with a dishonest partner. What do I do now?

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